


7 Days Without You

by shootystr



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Grief, InDa - Freeform, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24047989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shootystr/pseuds/shootystr
Summary: ''The days go slow, without you life is tiring and decolored. Please come back, fix the mess you left in my head and heart.''
Relationships: Kim Inseong/Lee Sanghyuk | Dawon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	7 Days Without You

I met Lee Sanghyuk on a  _ really  _ warm friday. It was already night when I decided to enter a cozy coffee shop close to my work - I work as a journalist at a small online newspaper, most news we do are related to k-pop idols -, I’ve been there a couple times before, but I don’t remember ever seeing that barista.

He was the most beautiful human being I ever saw in my 27 years, his short dark hair was messy, his shirt was rolled up in a sexy way, his mouth was sketching a smirk, as if he was really happy by his work. His name tag was dirty by working so much that I couldn’t read properly, so when I ordered my coffee I ended up calling him only Lee.

I’m not good with pick up lines or talking with cute guys in general, I get all clumsy and nervous, so it’s pretty obvious that I stumbled with words while making my order, or talking with him at all. I even remember his cocky smile and his laugh from that day. The bastard knew I was drooling over him.

_ ‘’So a l-l-latte for the cutie’’ _ he said, fuck, his voice, how I miss his voice. Remembering that moment hurts like hell, I wonder if I would ever meet him if I didn’t enter the coffee shop that night. After that day I ended up going to the place every day - only on his shift of course - to see his smile, I went there so much that everyone knew my name and my order.

After a few months - and a lot of alcohol - I decided to finally ask the cute barista out. And fuck, that was a huge mess, I entered the coffee shop determined, at one of the most empty hours, and there he was lying his arms on the counter, waiting for the next client. He was wearing a white shirt - that had coffee stains on it - and his dark brown apron, his gaze was distant and bored when I approached him.

_ ‘’H-hi’’ _ I said, all nervous, I was shaky and couldn’t look him directed in the eyes. Pathetic huh? I’m not usually like that to be honest, but when it came to Sanghyuk, fuck, I was a total dork. 

_ ‘’Oh, latte guy’’  _ Sanghyuk said, if I’m being honest that hurt a little bit, all his colleagues called me Inseong, but he was the only one still referring to me as the latte guy. I wondered if I didn’t have any other interesting characteristics besides liking lattes. _ ‘’So… A latte right?’’  _ he asked, I just got more nervous after his words, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to ask him out as I was planning to.

And even being wasted as fuck, I couldn’t speak, so I only agreeded with my head and waited him to come back with my drink. I had to think fast, I couldn’t let the opportunity slide, or let him say any other word. So when he came back with my drink I talked so fast I swear I don’t know how he even understood a word.  _ ‘’Would you like to go on a date with me? You don’t need it if you don’t want to… But it would be nice since you know, you’re cute and all.’’  _ Before replying to me he laughed, I admit his laugh made me calm down. 

As if he took all the nervousness I had in my system with a simple sweet laugh.  _ ‘’I get off at 7 p.m., and I would love some dinner’’ _ he smiled and handed me my coffee  _ ‘’My treat’’  _ he said, turning to attend another client. I froze for a few minutes, shocked by his  words, scared about that night and wondering how his mouth would taste.

That night at 7 p.m. I left work and waited for Sanghyuk at the coffee shop door, nervous, hiding my hands in my pockets so he couldn’t see them shaking. He left while talking with one of his work colleagues, they were laughing and I admit I felt a little jealous because I wasn’t the one making that amazing sound leave his mouth.

The date was amazing, we walked to the restaurant while talking, finding out the things we had in common, and the things we didn’t. During dinner he told me about his family, about his tastes and hobbies. It was a delightful date, where we talked as if we knew each other for years, laughed until the restaurant closed. After dinner we went to a park close to my apartment. 

Where we had our first kiss, under the stars that shined brightly that night. Sanghyuk said I was a mix of a crazy man with a nun, since I kept taking him to late night dates and making him stay up to the sun rising - more than once -, but also never gone more than kissing for around six months. 

To be honest I was scared, Sanghyuk was a gorgeous man, he had men and women after him - he thought I didn’t see the clients sliding their numbers to him -, and I knew he was mine, as he liked to reassure me all the time I got a little jealous. But I also knew that he could move on rapidly if he wanted to, or if I wasn’t good enough. I don’t do the insecure type, you know, but Sanghyuk… Well as I mentioned before, he made me go out of my senses in a lot of different ways.

‘’Hey Inseong’’ fuck I loved how my name sounded with his voice ‘’Let’s please fuck soon?’’ his words and sweet tone made me laugh. We were sitting outside my apartment, he was laying on my lap and I was brushing his hair. I was silent for a few minutes, and now thinking about it, I can’t recall what exactly I was thinking in those minutes.

‘’If you feel ready’’ I said with a calm smile, he was excited, I could tell by his smirk and shining eyes, to be honest, that night we ended up having sex. And after that we did it almost every night, I guess that was what healthy couples do, plus Sanghyuk was really good at it, I wonder if sex with him was that good because I loved him.

Doesn’t really matter now anyway.

There’s one thing about him that always made me shy as hell, his habit of grabbing his camera and filming him, people or me. I always thought he was a weirdo and should ask before making those things, but now watching those old tapes, I wished he did that one more time. I wish he could…

I had 5 years by Sanghyuk’s side, thinking back, we had our bad and good moments, we fought a lot, especially over his habits of playing all night or taping me taking showers. Now I would thank him if he came here to play overwatch all night while eating in my expensive carpet.

My therapist said I should write a letter with my feelings, so I can let go. Let go of him. But I don’t know if I want to. It’s been 7 days, 7 days without his smile, 7 days without his laugh, without his kisses, his hugs, his voice… without him. Sanghyuk died in a dark and cold January night, I was out working until late that day and I think he was probably waiting outside. He said he had something important to tell me, but he was never able to.

That night he collapsed in the middle of the street, and I wasn’t even able to say goodbye, or hug him one last time. Say that I love him before he goes, somehow I know he knew that I loved him, that I still do, but still hurts anyway. I got the call from the hospital - I was his emergency contact -, I remember the feeling… Like someone pulled out the floor from under my feet, as if I was falling to the unknown dark, to be honest I still am.

Being the one that had to call his family, friends and even plan his funeral… I had to put up a strong act outside, that only hurt me more inside. I wish I could’ve cried, everyday, in my bed, smelling his clothes, missing him. But I had to work, support his family, help out. Then after five days I was alone, no noise, and fuck, I collapsed, crying non stop all day and night, skipping work and turning down all the calls. I had to, fuck I lost the person I loved the most in the entire world.

For two days I was home, broken, until my best friend came over and made me have a therapist consult. The woman didn’t say anything I already didn’t know, everything will be better, you’ll get through it… But I don’t want everything to be fine without him, I just want him back.

To be fair I wasn’t going to do this stupid assigment she told me to, and I still think this is bullshit, but after drinking a whole bottle of wine and crying a little more I decided to watch his old tapes… I still can’t decide on how I feel with what I watched. Was a video of him in his car, he was eating and talking like he usually does. Then he gets a text from his doctor, and I can tell that because I saw on his phone afterwards.

The text was saying the result of some tests he did, apparently he had some illness that was really bad, something on his heart. And I can’t stop but feeling pathetic because he never mentioned to me that he wasn’t feeling well, maybe because I would freak out, but still… We could’ve worked that out, together. Maybe then he would still be here.

After that video there was another one, and fuck, that one hurt. It was a goodbye video. He was wearing the same clothes of the night he died, that fact made me start  crying right away, like I am right now with the memory. On the video he was saying goodbye to all his family and friends, but in the end…

_ ‘’...And Inseong, my Inseong, you know I love you so much right? I’m on my way to see you right now. I can’t tell if I will be able to though. I can still try, you work so much but I know why. I saw the ring under the bed last night, you don’t know but I put on… And jesus how can you not know my finger size?’’ he laughed sadly ‘’And yes, my answer is yes, I would love to marry you, and if I survive this treatment’’ he get the pills shaking them in front of the camera ‘’I will be able to tell you this in person’’ he smiles, but there’s no hope in his words ‘’I love you, and if I die… Move on, I love you more than anything, and the only thing I want is for you to be happy’’. _

The video ends with a sour goodbye, I admit I cried for hours before I crawled to his computer to write this letter. And no, I don’t feel better, it’s been only 7 days, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be fine without him. The love of my life is gone, and I’m a fucking mess.

Sanghyuk, if heaven exists and you’re watching me writing this letter now… Please come back and fix the mess you let me, both in my head and heart. Come back for one last kiss, one last hug, or take me with you so I can love you in heaven.

Love,

Inseong.


End file.
